7:15 - Alarm goes off. I’ve been up since 6; the excitement is building.

7:35 - Head downstairs for a free breakfast.

7:45 - Return to room to go to the bathroom.

7:48 - Enter elevator with three people, all African American. After a quick look around, the man beside me is Ice Cube. The rapper. He is very polite and let’s me exit the elevator before him. I thank him and he smiles and says, “You’re welcome.”

8:37 - Arrive at the studio. It is 47 degrees outside. We have to wait here until about 10.

9:05 - The line has moved up and there are approximately 10 people ahead of us now. The group of four in front of us have very thick New York accents.

9:20 - We are escorted inside to go through security. Dave and I are guests 40 and 41 for the taping. We will be saving these wristbands.

9:23 - In the waiting area. There is a life-size cardboard cutout of Maury on the second story balcony watching over his fans. Maury Povich is the god of Stamford, CT.

10:10 - The presence of security guards and producers is growing in the lobby. Go time feels imminent.

10:32 - Our number has been called. We are entering the studio.

10:40 - We are taken to our seats. We are center, middle of the studio. Perfect view.

10:47 - Ke$ha is playing over the speakers. Maury, your show is my drug.

10:54 - One song later, back to Ke$ha. I wonder if Maury brushes his teeth with a bottle of Jack.

11:13 - Last bathroom break before show time. The studio is packed.

11:48 - First segment just finished filming. Paternity test for two kids, upset grandma of maybe baby daddy was crazy. He was NOT the father of either child!

12:02 - Segment two finished. Lie detector. He wasn’t cheating!

12:18 - Third segment over. Another lie detector. Guy slept with girlfriend’s mon, tried to sleep with her cousin, and has slept with women we don’t know about.

12:27 - Fourth segment is over. Another paternity test. Girl was born dead and was revived and made it through life with physical ailments and a speech problem. But the father? Not Carlos!

12:35 - The taping is over. There is free lunch for all audience members but have to leave to check out of the hotel on time. Perfect morning: Complete.